Nice Words

This week has been hectic, crazy, busy, and lazy. As I reflect on my life and my time as a college student, I get a little emotional because of all that I have had to overcome. I've struggled financially, emotionally, academically, spiritually, and in more ways than I can possibly name. Every single mountain I've had to climb has always led me a beautiful peak where I can witness the loveliness of life. 

I am determined to live.

There is no way I will let the faults of this world deter me from living. 

I have learned so much about myself. I have achieved things I never thought I could. And I have failed myself when I least expected it. Regardless, I've kept fighting. 


I only wish I could share my courage with those who lost theirs.


As I grow older, I have learned how fragile life really is. All around me people are dropping dead within the blink of an eye. In a tick of a second-hand, a life passes by us and on the next world. And we sit here, us oblivious beings, completely unaware. 


I am determined to live.

So I stand here not waiting for life. I am now realizing, life is only waiting for me. And at this point, there's no reason to test its patience. I will plunge into its wonders and embrace all that it has to offer.

Fight The Cold

Poetry... Written Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 11:07a.m.

Today, I don't want to go inside. 

I want to mingle in the leaves, the wind that blows the trees,

Feel my hair graze against my face,

Smell the sweetness that entices my taste.

Today, I don't want to go inside.

I want to stare at the blue sky.

Watch the mountains' colors etch the horizon.

I want to feel the sun's warmth as it blankets my brown skin.

Feel the happiness it ignites within.

Today, I don't want to go inside.

Inside is where my thoughts are surpressed.

Where I have to focus on, "what's next?" 

Inside is where the darkness is.

Where my love and joy have to be dismissed.

Today, I don't want to go inside.

So, I'll just close my eyes as I walk through the doors.

I'll remember the love that the outside gave me.

And as I sit in my inside seat,

I'll remember what it felt like to be outside...

...and free.

-R. 

DON'T BE TOO LATE 

I just read an article and watched a video in the Huffington Post that revealed that 10 year-old, Illinois CHILD killed herself after being bullied.


BULLIED. BULLIED.  BULLIED. 


This is absolutely unacceptable. To be so oblivious to the power that WORDS can have! To be completely immune to the word, bully. These simple words seem to be heard all too often, creating a sense of understanding that is flawed and inaccurate. 


When people think of a "bully" they often think of a kid who is taller and bigger than all the other kids, who goes around giving other kids wedgies and takes their lunch money. 


They don't think of the jealous, undisciplined child who is raging inside with jealousy and hate. Who preys on the happiness of others to build up their own self-worth. And who only sees the intimidation and not the growing depression and sadness that their victim becomes emerged in. They don't see. 


As a survivor of years of bullying, I know how hard it can be. I know that words are more than simply words. The tongue is a lethal weapon that goes underestimated. 


It can cause more pain than ever imagined. It can cloud the thoughts of the sane. Those thoughts, then, become crazed--enraged. 


Now, these thoughts of the victims are blazing with the fire of either retaliation or complete submission. Instead of fighting, they chose flight. They chose to release their soul in the night.


Along with child innocence comes ignorance. Ignorance of how to IGNORE. Ignorance of how to OVERCOME. Ignorance of the lives of OTHERS. 


This is unacceptable. A life should never be cut short at the hand of oneself. 


Never. 


Read the full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/ashlynn-conner-suicide-fa_n_1092521.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

BLACK at the UA part 4, Numbers Talk--How far have we really come? (ALSO TITLED: University In Middle of The Diversity Pack)

Published on uatrav.com October 6, 2011.

This year’s bomb.com sorority recruitment numbers went through the roof. All eight chapters of the National Panhellenic Council met or exceeded recruitment quota, 131 girls, which added up to be 1,079 new girls who have been accepted to join Greek Life.  Putting this statistic against that of the number of African Americans enrolled at the UA it is shockingly and kind-of disturbingly close.

It isn’t a surprise that African Americans make up a small percentage of the UA, but it is surprising that this number has not changed very much during the last 12 years.

In 1998, there were only 880 African Americans on campus. By the fall 2010, the number had only increased to 1,128. That’s a difference of only 224 people. I bet this is less than the graduating high school classes of many UA students.

According to the an article in the Arkansas Newswire, there should be about a 25 percent increase since last fall. Well, the numbers are in, and 25 percent will have to remain a hopeful goal. The reality is enrollment for African American undergraduate students stands at a mere 1,128 in the Fall 2010 semester, and 1,246 for the Fall 2011. This makes the real increase 118 students, or less than 11 percent.

To put this into perspective, 14,924 students who enrolled in undergraduate courses this fall were white.

These numbers are talking, and they are saying a lot.

With an African American president, Financial Aid, diversity scholarships and popular collegiate athletic sports such as basketball and football being comprised of many African Americans, what’s the deal? And what can be done to get these numbers higher?

Well, our fabulous university has a place called, the Office of Diversity Affairs that caters to this very issue. It is a haven for information about how students can get involved and jump on the “diversity bandwagon.”

The College Access Initiative is a program that focuses on helping high school students improve their ACT scores. Students get the opportunity to come to the UA, take practice tests all the while getting a feel for college life.

In addition to this, there is the Razorback Bridge Program where UA students travel to areas across the state, helping high schools students prepare for college. Particularly those who are lacking the resources to do it themselves.

High school students can also apply to visit our awesome campus through the CAI program or the various other programs the UA offers such as Upward Bound, Diversity Impact and Talent Search.

These programs would not be able to operate if it weren’t for the hard working UA students putting the time and effort to help others achieve their goal of attending college.

Wouldn’t you want the UA to be the “it” school for getting a well-rounded and diverse education?

I would. And there are other flagship schools that are well on their way to achieving this goal.

Ole Miss is hanging in at 16.3 percent of their student population being African America and rolling in at a close second is the University of Alabama with 12.1 percent.

With other universities beating us in diversity and the fact that our enrollment has increased significantly, says a lot in terms of how far we still have yet to come in achieving a more diverse student and faculty population.

Frankly, I’m not the one to settle for second place, and being apart of Arkansas’ number one university has taught me that.

So, can we please get together and do better? Can we step up as students and fellow Hogs to help build a university moving forward in education, diversity and success?

Yep, I think we can.

Wouldn't You Like To Know

This piece was written about how fighting for a relationship can be a lost cause and the detrimental effects it can have on a  young woman's life and self-esteem. Sometimes love is worth fighting for, but other times it's simply mistaken for love and isn't worth fighting for at all.

Written Wednesday, February 3, 2011 at 9:18pm, it's not a happy one. But it's a real one.

 ICE 

When you lose touch with what's real,

You lose touch with what's right.

You start settling for less.

And the pain lingers at night.

You cry and you brace yourself,

For you can feel the unhappiness.

Your thoughts racing with embarrassment,

For you can't understand where your standards went.

My heart weeps,

For love it only needs.

Abandonment is its enemy,

I feel the cold as it begins to freeze.

Damn my stupidity,

My will to be a good woman.

Damn this life I've been cursed to live.

I'm begging for something better,

What I say I deserve.

But mistakes are only yelling,

"You get what you've earned." 

-R. 

Still Coping With It

Has something ever happened to you that you never thought could happen? Have you ever daydreamed a thought so bad, it made you cry? What's worse is when that thought becomes reality. And you're stuck with no choice but to accept it and deal with it.

I never thought that I'd be missing someone in my life that had been there since I was 12 years old. When I met her, it was like I met my other half. She was the Bonnie to my Clyde. She was the Ivory to my Ebony. My partner in crime...for life. "BFF" wasn't a lie that we told ourselves to make us feel better, we knew it was nothing but truth. We knew that nothing or no one could tear us apart. 

At least, that is what I thought. 

But now, I'm realizing maybe it was only me who was so sure of this friendship. Maybe it was my trust in her that made me so confident that this thing was never going to go wrong. That even despite the bumps, the boys, the rumors, and the distance, we would never let each other go. But I was so very wrong. 

Over the years our bond had been tested. But in my eyes, it only made us stronger. Unfortunately, I found that in her's, it only made us weaker. And yes, there were things that I ignored and purposefully avoided in order to keep things peachy keen simply because my life was complicated enough without putting pressure on her...

But wait, isn't that what friends are for? Aren't friends supposed to be fortresses of hope and salvation that will always love you and never judge you? Again, that's what I thought. At least that's what I always tried to do. No matter the event or problem. No matter how angry I was at her, I NEVER wanted to point a finger because she was MY best friend...one who could do no wrong in my eyes. 

But she did. And so did I. We weren't perfect. Life isn't perfect. And I found at 22, that friends don't last forever. Sometimes they only last for 10 years...

-R. 

Run

She said, "I smelled you today. I've thought I have heard you, seen you.. but today.. I thought I smelled you." 

These words so simple yet so intensely imprinting. When speaking of a soul released and a body 6 ft beneath, you realize that death isn't a far away place. 

It's simply waiting around the corner and watching us while we sleep. 

The reaper--collector of souls, has us all in a fearful frenzy about death. Should we be scared of dying? No. We should only be scared of not living.

Don't fear the inevitable. It only wastes away our precious and limited time.  

And although we can manipulate time we can't make it heed our wants. 

So don't die while breathing and staring at the sky... try to live. 


Close your eyes, take death for a ride, while you embrace the time that enables your life. 

-R.