Thoughts

I guess this is a time that I feel provoked to write. I'm not quite sure how I got to the place in my life, but everyday I am amazed that I'm here. Every day, I feel more obligated to search for something I didn't have the day before. Maybe it's a new person. A new favorite color. A new t-shirt. Just something.

I feel so captivated and consumed with what I can not change that when I eventually move on or attempt to forget and I always end up remembering. And then I'm back to square one. I told my friend the other day, that I couldn't remember the last time I had cried. It had been months. I've been holding on to something that made me feel rage over sadness. I suppose this is a good thing...


Today, I cried.


I feel overwhelmed with my fears and my fate. My doubts that I am so reluctant to call...doubts. God said there is no need to be curious. But I am. I can't help it. It's human nature. But who needs human nature, when you have God?

I am running out of patience. I am running out of motivation. And I need to discover something that inspires me more than the anomaly of life. I need to be impressed. And every day I will willingly wait for this. My mind is constantly ticking. Like a relentless clock, anxious to gear the second hand closer and closer to every minute. I am a constant.

I will wait for what is next. I suppose I have no choice. Hopefully, I pray, it will be what I continue to wait for.

-R.