Monday, April 23, 2012

A Little Bit of Something

Well, I'm just going to babble because I have no idea what I want to write about. All I know is that I just want to write. 

For the last few weeks, I've been feeling extremely at ease. I've been feeling content. I mean, shoot, happy! Which has never, ever happened before. I've never considered myself a happy person. No matter how "joyful" I seemed, I was never truly happy. There was always something lingering in the back of my mind that prevented me from letting go, and letting God take control. 

It's been difficult for me to even confess this for I'm afraid that I'll jinx myself. That in a day or two, this will go away. That something will so overly disappoint me that I'll sink back into a feeling of defeat and frustration. But so far it hasn't happened. And I'm blaming it on my new relationship with God. My new devotion to Him and His plans for me. I'm not a preachy, evangelical, "turn from your evil ways" type and felt that my belief in God was MY belief and therefore MY relationship that didn't have to be voiced. Well, as a Christian, you have to be free of fear. And my tendency to stray away from discussing God and our relationship, definitely spawned from fear. Fear of being labeled, fear of being called a "hypocrite" because of a few cuss words I spewed last week, or whatever. But I've realized all of these things meant that I have to do a better job of living through and for God. 

After making the decision to truly do my best to put my best foot forward and walk with Him, my burden was lifted. My blessings came one after another. From financial blessings, to finding someone who makes me feel special and is also devoted to Him, to near strangers being overly generous simply because they believe I have been a blessing to them in some way. It's like every time I'm falling, God is there to make sure I never hit the ground. Cushioning the blow one blessing at a time.


So, to sum it up. Be happy. Don't worry. 

-R. 


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