Perfection at a Loss

You know that feeling you get when you realize you're wrong and your stomach feels as if it has been beaten for hours on end with a baseball bat?

Or how about the feeling of potential failure? The feeling of complete uncertainty that puts you in the most vulnerable state of mind. You can feel every pulsation your heart makes as blood flows rapidly through your veins.

I have this feeling every time I open my eyes in the morning. Everyday I think to myself, "okay, what's next?"

I have grown to be more optimistic. But my new-found optimism has only caused more damage than good. My willingness to hold one to a higher standard or take the time to understand someone and their ways have only led to greater disappointment.

There is a reason why I have standards for myself, my friends, and the one that waits for me. I can never willingly let myself feel the anger, disgust, and hatred that I have felt so many times before as my heart has been gnawed away by the demons of lost love.

My heart is wrapped in a shroud. It is dead. It has been for so long. It is cold. Completely numb. I am only waiting for you to resurrect it. Not you...but, you. Yes...you.

I have been battling within my mind if this is even right. Am I just a hopeless, lost soul roaming around in an abysmal pit of flaws. Or am I just being shown that before I can rise, I will have to fall?

So I leave the way I came: equally confused yet determined to fix the laws that dictate my flaws. Miracles can happen, right? So there goes my mind, ticking away like the second hand of a clock, so eager to reach the paradise of 12, where all the hard work will be appreciated and the minute hand will budge, just slightly, as a gentle gesture of thanks.

-R.

Black at the UA- Part 1, The OTHER 5 Percent

THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE ARKANSAS TRAVELER on February 8, 2011.

I am an African American woman and a student at the UA. I couldn’t be more proud to be a Razorback and I imagine the rest of the student body feels the same.

However, with Black History Month in full force, I can’t help but acknowledge the progress we have yet to make as a campus and as a community.

According to the UA’s Fall 2010 Enrollment Report, only 5.3 percent of enrolled students at the university are African Americans — this is about 1,128 people, a small number compared to the 78.5 percent of Caucasians.

For me, these striking statistics give the word “minority” a whole new meaning.

Ron Jones, a close friend and fellow African American, wasn’t planning on going to college at the UA until he visited the university and fell in love with the campus.

Despite Jones’ excitement about being a Razorback, he has expressed a desire for a more unified student body. He says that students are always “sectional” especially at large events or places like the dining hall.

This is understandable in that people usually feel most comfortable when surrounded by others who are like themselves. However, I couldn’t help but agree when Jones said, “A primary goal of higher education is to prepare you for society, which can be less than comfortable.”

Eating lunch at Brough Commons exposes the very segregation Jones hopes will cease in the near future. Greeks sit with greeks. The Asian exchange students sit with other Asian exchange students.

These days, we don’t need to be told to sit with our own because we do it ourselves. But when one is black at a predominately white institution, self-segregation becomes a more sensitive issue — and all students are guilty of it.

In regard to classroom diversity, I have often been the only black person in many of my classes. This creates an interesting dynamic because people pay attention when I talk. My classmates usually expect me to sound differently — more “ethnic.” So I love surprising others with my great diction and grammar.

Another friend, Alice McMillan, vented to me about similar experiences at the university.

“Being black at the UA is definitely a challenge,” she said. “You get tested. The way you carry yourself, your demeanor and the way you respond to ignorance are things that you have to be prepared to handle.”

It’s a battle every day to work harder than the person next to you because being black means you have to challenge the stereotypes.

McMillan said it best: “I feel obligated to excel in class because I can’t have people thinking that they’re better than me just because I’m the black girl with the big lips and thick, curly hair who is just here because she lucked out and got some scholarship for just being black and not really college material.”

This is a perspective that many African Americans share. No one wants to feel singled out or different from the person sitting next to him or her, but the truth is that we are all different. It’s up to our generation to embrace our differences and move forward.

The racial divide on campus is also reflected throughout Fayetteville.

The lack of stylists, entertainment and clothing that relate to the black community cannot be ignored. Besides the University Program’s headliner concerts and the Interfraternity Council’s (IFC) “Row Week,” there’s a lack of entertainment featuring black artists.

Having a broader range of entertainers on and around campus, allows people to become more accustomed to different cultures. We must seek to understand and accept one another before we can advance to the next level as a society.

So in the spirit of Black History Month, I encourage everyone to reach out to people who are different from you and embrace what they have to offer. You might be surprised what you find.

Black at the UA, PART 2: Greek Life

Printed in the March 9, 2011 issue of the Arkansas Traveler

Black at the UA: Greek Life

When people on campus hear the term “Greek” they often think of Sperry-wearing frat guys chugging beer or a plethora of peppy sorority girls chanting during roll-call at pep rallies. But there’s an additional stereotype — the fancy jacket-wearing black Greeks who make weird noises and step all the time.

Although there are reasons these stereotypes exist, there is more to Greek life than many students might think, especially in terms of black, Greek lettered organizations.

It’s time to set the record straight.

Under the umbrella of Greek life there are three separate councils: Interfraternity Council, consisting of mostly white males, National Panhellenic Council, consisting of mainly white females and the National Pan-Hellenic Council, which consists of mostly black males and females.

NPHC is made up of nine different fraternities and sororities that have existed over 100 years. They all are founded on the principles of scholarship, camaraderie and service to mankind. But each is unique in its own way.

While NPHC, NPC and IFC should all be seen as equals, I can’t help but notice that there is a division between the councils.

NPHC obviously stands out due to the race factor. But here at the UA there is even greater a divide because of the overbearing presence of NPC and IFC, with their colossal houses, huge recruitment groups and sheer number of members.

With that said, NPHC’s process of admitting members is also done differently from IFC and NPC. It’s more intimate and time consuming.

For example, NPC girls have a week to “rush” houses — meaning girls visit and later pick the houses (or sororities) they want to be a part of. Hopefully the house will pick them back, but there’s no guarantee.

With NPHC, membership intake is done over a prolonged period of time. Instead of them choosing you, you chose them. If accepted, your loyalty remains with that particular organization and potential members don’t try out every sorority or fraternity to see which one works best for him or her.

A friend once told me about her roommate being a member of Chi-Omega and how frivolous the whole process seemed to her. She said, “how do you get to know someone after a week?” Well, you don’t.

I’ve asked many of my own friends who are a part of NPC if they knew most of their pledge class. Typically, they don’t. There are simply too many people to know everyone.

When asked who founded their organization and where it was founded, the answer is usually a shrug or an “I forgot.”

As a member of an NPHC organization, I can say that this is simply not the case for me or for most others. How can you represent something that you don’t know the history of?

All of these differences have shaped NPHC’s underlying reputation as “the other Greeks.”

NPHC chose to do things differently. For members of these nine organizations “going Greek” is not just a college thing, it’s a lifetime commitment that one keeps at the forefront of his or her life.

Members are encouraged to stay active in graduate chapters after leaving their collegiate institutions. These graduate chapters help govern undergraduate chapters but remain completely independent of them.

Philanthropy, a strong sisterhood and brotherhood, quality membership and a sense of pride and knowledge of the Greek organization is what makes one truly effective and purposeful.

I want to encourage those of you who don’t understand what black Greek life is all about to take a closer look. Go to the national websites or ask a member. They will be more than happy to give you some insight into what it’s all about.

So UA students, it isn’t the size of the house that should determine the value of a Greek organization or council to its community. It’s the quality, not quantity of its members that make the organization great and worthwhile.